windemere | Forgive me...

First off, try this link first: http://www.livejournal.com/users/hiyacynth/3211.html

Warning, R rating ahead.

Forgive me Professor, for I have sinned...

FotR Sins
*Sam's line in the Shire: "Get off of him!" when he and Frodo bump into Merry and Pip, has got to be one of THE gayest lines in the films
*Cannot watch Frodo's awakening in Rivendell without repeating out loud (in theater or at home) "Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson"
*On second thought, simply cannot watch any Elrond scenes in Fellowship without laughing hysterically
*Was bitter at Arwen for stealing Glor's horse, and therefore denying us the pleasure of see the golden-hair balrog slayer
*contemplated ways to dispose of Arwen for said stealing
*have laughed every single time during Boromir's "we are here in commom purpose then, friend" line
*thought five times that Aragorn looked ready to attack the Gondorian in above scene
*thought five times I'd like to see Aragorn attack the Gondorian in above scene
*wished ten times that it was ME waking up in Frodo's bed in Rivendell...minus Gandalf in the room
*have wondered if Celeborn and Galadriel ever have mind sex
*as a true Elven Princess, ten times I've thought Gil's orc stabbing looks orgasmic
*three times have contemplated what Elrond and Gil might have been up to the night before the final battle
*and have read fanfic about that thought
*have laughed smugly at Elrond's face when Aragorn pledges his life to Frodo...so THERE, he can fulfill his destiny
*twenty times have planned Elrond's murder after watching the grave scene in Rivendell (including EE scenes from it in TT)
*think it is amazing coincidence that hobbit height is just right compared to men...you can finish that thought
*Aragorn in the Prancing Pony with only his eyes showing is the sexiest scene in the movie
*eight times have wanted to take up a bow myself and put Boromir out of his misery before the Uruk-hai do
*five times have cheered when the Uruk-hai DID put Boromir out of his misery
*laughed during Boromir's death scene with Aragorn
*believe Boromir's "My Captain" line is sure evidence he was gay
*believe Elrond's sole reason for letting Pippin go on the quest, was to get back at Gandalf for centuries of annoyance
*and believe Pippin was made aware of this
*have called PJ every bad name in every language I know...at least a dozen times each
*screamed "Blasphamy!" while watching the Appendix of FOTR with all the protuction photos from Rivendell, and realizing Gil's crown is on display
*and then devised a bloody way to murder PJ for not including Gil's death scene in Fellowship...it being a FAR more important scene than four gay hobbits tramping through the wilderness
*curse at Manwe sometimes multiple times a day that I am still stuck in the hell called Earth
*now have seven different ways to murder Manwe when I do get my hands on him
*believe Elrond allowed Legolas to go on the quest simply because he knew it would piss Thranduil off
*and he allowed Gimli to go as well because it would piss Thranduil off even MORE
*have thought six times that something was going on between Isildur and Elrond...otherwise Elrond would have just thrown him into Mt. Doom and been done with it
*and besides, that look on his face just screams 'betrayed lover'
*which of course means I've thought Elrond, Gil and Isildur make a great love triangle

TT Sins
*believe the only reason Haldir agreed to go to Helm's Deep is because he missed Aragorn...or Legolas
*...or both
*Eowyn looks as if she just wants to take Aragorn up against the nearest wall
*Gimli looks a little TOO happy that Aragorn's alive
*Legolas looks damn hot while standing on top of the cliff
*have contemplated Eowyn's murder
*Legolas' line before the battle "You must rest; you are no good to us half-dead" is sure proof they've been in a similar situation dozens of times before...therefore the Mellon Chronicles must be true
*when Aragorn tests Haleth's sword before the battle...he looks ready to kill someone...probably Elrond
*Eowyn seems to change course from crush to mad love as soon as she finds out Arwen is sailing West
*I laughed for ten minutes at the look of resignation on Aragorn's face when Eowyn asks how old he is
*and the 'hand caught in the cookie jar' look when he tries to dump the soup
*obviously Haldir was madly in love with Aragorn...but not the other way around...Aragorn just looks disappointed when Haldir dies
*again, contemplated Elrond's murder during the grave scene
*wrote a fic where Elrond gets the lecture of the century from Glorfindel after said scene
*have wished four times that Gollum would just kill Sam and be done with it
*think he's a fat hobbit as well
*Legolas is gay: the prancing during the tally scene confirms this
*Legolas' sole pleasure in life seems to be annoying Gimli....think about that
*have thought sinful thoughts five times while watching Aragorn put his armor on before the battle
*for elves that don't like to be touched...Haldir certainly seems to like it
*thought I might actually like to see the footage of Arwen at Helm's Deep
*2 years and 1 month after I saw the movie, at 3am I realized that there isn't actually a river in Rohan for Aragorn to fall into. Was exceedingly pissed off at PJ for such blatant misuse of geography

RotK Sins
*Legolas in a tiara is the sexiest thing I have ever seen
*Elrond in white is the second
*All Estel wants to do is carry Arwen off to the bedroom after the coronation scene...he's got that look on his face
*Elrond smiling had me sobbing for five minutes...and then realization came that he looks thrilled to have Arwen out of the house...the selfish thing was all an act after all
*the picture of Aragorn in the Halls healing Faramir inspired A/F slash thoughts in my head...imagine what the whole scene will do
*have planned PJ's murder for not including the Houses of Healing scene
*...and the twins
*have been convinced the elves reforging the sword must be the twins...whether they look alike or not
*wondered how a book that supposedly has no sex anywhere in it can be made into a movie laced with het and slash moments
*twice have thought Theoden looks very manly during his speech on the Pelennor
*twice have thought the same thing about Aragorn
*twice have laughed when Aragorn says to the King of the Dead "you will suffer me"...Estel taking the lead is just hilarious after so long
*have actually gotten mad at PJ for having Celeborn sail West
*giggled twice when I saw Vilya on Elrond's finger
*cried twice through the last 30 minutes of the movie
*cried once through the entire Rivendell sequence at the beginning
*found the Smeagol/Deagol murder scene funny
*thanked PJ for the Eowyn scene in the houses of healing...and then threatened to kill him for leaving out the Faramir and Merry scenes
*thought the fact Sam sees Earendil's star in Mordor is the coolest moment in all three films
*complained twice that the extended edition had MORE F/S scenes in it
*wrote a fanfic where Arwen forces Aragorn to let her co-rule with him...and add another throne to the Hall of Kings

Others
*laughed during the dramatic scenes
*have watched TT ten times, but have only seen the Sam, Frodo, & Gollum scenes five times
*read slash fiction of all shapes and sizes...and peoples
*contemplated writing slash fiction
*written fanfic
*written AU fanfic
*taken a university course on Tolkien and LOTR; a course completely based on allegory. Tolkien of course, intensely disliked allegory and hated people that read allegory into LOTR.
*have written a self insertion fanfiction where I am the youngest daughter of Elrond
*really, truely believe that I am
*watched all three EEs back to back one weekend
*did so while inventing and participating in an LOTR drinking game