Cheering up Sara
Feb. 17th, 2009 03:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windemereDisclaimer: Still not mine.
AN: Because I am a nice person, and I have the time.
It's not the first time Arthur has nearly died, but it still changes things. Merlin is a bit more cautious then he has been. He walks the halls of the castle a little less distractedly. When Arthur leaves the protection of the walls, Merlin always goes with him, even hunting.
He feels a little like he's failed in his promise to protect Arthur no matter what. He'd been willing to die, to give up his life to save the Prince, but it hadn't been he who had made the sacrifice. He'd nearly lost his mother and then Gaius. He doesn't want that happening again. Doesn't want to have to choose between Arthur and anyone else.
So he watches closely, in the hopes that he can stop the next attempt. Because there will be one. Arthur just attracts trouble like that.
But it's more than that. Something in Merlin's head has changed. Before he'd have stepped in front of an arrow headed Arthur's way without even thinking about it. This time, though, he had thought it through rather thoroughly, and concluded he was entirely willing to give up his life. Not for the prince. Not for the future king. For Arthur. For his friend.
And worryingly, for something more. He knows Arthur doesn't think of him that way. The way he's treated rings too much of face value. Arthur isn't one to hide secrets like that, Merlin thinks. He's a servant (an annoying one at that) and some days a friend. And that's all it's ever going to be. Merlin can accept that.
Well, mostly. It's hardest when they're outside the castle walls. When Merlin knows he should be paying extra attention to what is around them and not extra attention to watching Arthur. But it is easier out here, with only a few soldiers, to just stare. If Arthur ever notices he doesn't say anything, and so Merlin assumes he doesn't, because then he would. But at night when they curl up around the fire to protect them from the chill of the night air, Merlin pretends to ignore the knights standing watch, and watches Arthur instead. Sometimes so long that he forgets to sleep.
Once Arthur rolls over half way through the night and Merlin realizes those eagle eyes are staring at him in amusement and annoyance.
'Go to sleep, Merlin. Long day hunting tomorrow.'
'Yes, Sire,' Merlin manages and pretends to close his eyes. A few minutes later when he hears Arthur's breathing even out again, he opens them. He doesn't sleep the rest of the night.
AN: Because I am a nice person, and I have the time.
It's not the first time Arthur has nearly died, but it still changes things. Merlin is a bit more cautious then he has been. He walks the halls of the castle a little less distractedly. When Arthur leaves the protection of the walls, Merlin always goes with him, even hunting.
He feels a little like he's failed in his promise to protect Arthur no matter what. He'd been willing to die, to give up his life to save the Prince, but it hadn't been he who had made the sacrifice. He'd nearly lost his mother and then Gaius. He doesn't want that happening again. Doesn't want to have to choose between Arthur and anyone else.
So he watches closely, in the hopes that he can stop the next attempt. Because there will be one. Arthur just attracts trouble like that.
But it's more than that. Something in Merlin's head has changed. Before he'd have stepped in front of an arrow headed Arthur's way without even thinking about it. This time, though, he had thought it through rather thoroughly, and concluded he was entirely willing to give up his life. Not for the prince. Not for the future king. For Arthur. For his friend.
And worryingly, for something more. He knows Arthur doesn't think of him that way. The way he's treated rings too much of face value. Arthur isn't one to hide secrets like that, Merlin thinks. He's a servant (an annoying one at that) and some days a friend. And that's all it's ever going to be. Merlin can accept that.
Well, mostly. It's hardest when they're outside the castle walls. When Merlin knows he should be paying extra attention to what is around them and not extra attention to watching Arthur. But it is easier out here, with only a few soldiers, to just stare. If Arthur ever notices he doesn't say anything, and so Merlin assumes he doesn't, because then he would. But at night when they curl up around the fire to protect them from the chill of the night air, Merlin pretends to ignore the knights standing watch, and watches Arthur instead. Sometimes so long that he forgets to sleep.
Once Arthur rolls over half way through the night and Merlin realizes those eagle eyes are staring at him in amusement and annoyance.
'Go to sleep, Merlin. Long day hunting tomorrow.'
'Yes, Sire,' Merlin manages and pretends to close his eyes. A few minutes later when he hears Arthur's breathing even out again, he opens them. He doesn't sleep the rest of the night.
