The Philisophical Works of a Pseudo Author

Is going to do something unforgivable on Thursday.

Yeah, that was all I had to say. Consider it an apology in advance. And for this:

6,800 of hopefully less than 43,000.

SPRING! You've come! *hugs* Please don't leave again! There is Easter coming and then my birthday and I'd really like to see summer this side of the solstice. Pretty, pretty, please?

Well, I stared at the computer screen for half an hour this morning until I forced myself to type the first sentence of my proposal. Which ended up being less typing and more copying and pasting from the other university's application. But it got me started. I'm still not thrilled with it and I sort of hate my academic writing style more than ever right now. I am trying very hard not to panic about, you know, having to WRITE A THESIS.

The Muse has still not returned. I rewrote the first Twilight fic three times and she's still not talking to me, so I'm really beyond knowing what to do. I tried to poke at a DW plot bunny, but it didn't do anything other than stare at me, even after I watched a bunch on interviews with the cast about the new season.

Maybe things will be better after April 15th?

Has resorted to making deals with her muse.

Ten bucks says she doesn't keep up her end of the bargain.

Seriously, that is THE BEST THING Oscar has ever done!

I'm not sure which was funnier, Ron and Hermione or Edward and Jacob. It might be a tie. I was laughing so hard I didn't really hear any of the lyrics.

Okay, so I might have been a little off Monday night. To be fair to me, I was going on prior (recent) experience and I think that's a valid excuse. To be fair to my aunt, her moods can change on an hourly basis, much less a monthly basis.

The last two days I have been happy. My version of happy, which I know is less than most people's and involves a lot more things that fall under 'material' than is probably alright, but happy nonetheless. Since I expected to be miserable for 40 hours I'm pleasantly (gratefully) surprised.

It almost felt like life used to when I lived in east Oakville and Nana was still alive. It had that same sense of freedom and loving family and excitement. There were old friends and fantastic food and guilt free shopping and downtown Oakville and bitching about the weather and talk of travel and understanding and agreement and enjoyment of life. And now I'm terrified to ruin the whole thing by agreeing to go to Florida (which is back on...sort of).

I also understand that she wants me to come to Florida, if for no other reason than Todd is driving her around the bend and she wants someone else to spend time with. And that's a valid enough reason, I suppose. I love Todd and the pups and it could be a fun week. And I wouldn't need to spend much money. But I feel like it could all end in disaster and ruin what good there currently exists between the two of us. What good we've built in the last 2 days, and I realise that doesn't seem like much, but after last year it's a huge step in the right direction. I don't want to take one back now; not after everything. Not after December and family and falling outs and horrible letters and guilt trips and accusations. I don't want to go back because we've all been doing that for two years now and I'm really very tired of it. But is that a valid enough reason for me not to go? Not to at least try?

I swear that my waxing philisophical will all make sense soon. I've been reading and we all know that ends badly right? LOTR had me in a daydreaming mood and a 'I remember HS fondly' mood last week. This week? Well, onto a different series of books, can you tell? I probably shouldn't read that Stephen Hawking book next week. That could be disastrous.

The world tilted another 90*. I am still waiting to see if it tilts back.