Yeah, I totally wrote more of it
Jun. 17th, 2013 05:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windemereSo, a long time ago I wrote a fic called The Coffee House about Tony Stark and his addiction to coffee.
I possibly wrote more. About, you know, the rest of the cast.
Thor
Introducing Thor to caffeine had not been Jane’s brightest idea. The Pop Tart obsession was bad enough, but a caffeinated Thor was worse than a room full of screaming five-year olds.
Jane hadn’t become a kindergarten teacher for a reason, despite what her mother had wanted.
After the first incident, Jane had promptly decided Thor should never have caffeine again. Darcy, of course, didn’t really take that decision to heart.
And Tony Stark just didn’t know about the decision at all.
It wasn’t that Thor was particularly dangerous while hyped up on caffeine. At least no more dangerous than he ever was. He was just a little bit louder (which meant a lot), a little bit giddier (which was faintly ridiculous on an Asgardian god), and a lot more likely to do something stupid (which was about par for the course, Jane had found, even on the good days). The first time Thor got into Tony’s coffee, which was kept in a special pot that no one else touched (Steve and Bruce because they didn’t like it, Clint because he was scared of Natasha and Natasha because she had a pretty good idea what would happen to everyone’s sanity if Tony ran out of his favourite coffee) the entire Tower knew about it in under an hour. This was mostly because Thor somehow managed to convince JARVIS to tap into every single speaker in the building so that Thor could sing Asgardian songs about mead to the entire populace.
JARVIS was forbidden to ever listen to Thor’s requests again and a few speakers suffered permanent damage. Thankfully, Bruce had earplugs near at hand.
It took about five hours for the caffeine high to wear off, at which time Thor had already called Jane four times, Darcy three, sung five different songs that all sounded alike, nearly caused a Hulk incident and rendered Tony Stark tone deaf. Which considering the usual brand of ‘music’ he listened to was rather an impressive feat.
Tony finally got Jane on the phone around hour three (post the four times Thor had already called her) and begged for some help.
‘Let it wear off and then, for the sake of all of Midgard, don’t let him ever have coffee again. Herbal tea is okay. But no caffeine.’
‘How are you still alive?’ Tony asked her, still in disbelief.
Jane managed to sound smug. ‘He loves me.’
‘I have no idea what to do with that,’ Tony admitted.
‘Good. No caffeine. No mead while you’re at it and make sure there’s always Pop Tarts in the cupboard.’
Just as she was about to hang up the call Tony cut in: ‘And if there isn’t?’
The astro-physicist paused to consider that briefly. ‘Better not let that happen.’
‘Right,’ Tony agreed, to a dial tone. ‘These people should come with warning labels.’
‘We do,’ Bruce said, from five feet behind him.
‘Jesus Christ, Bruce, don’t scare me like that!’ Tony whined, hand clutching unnecessarily at the reactor.
Bruce just smiled mildly. ‘Of the two of us, it’s less a problem if I startle you. Also, we do come with warning labels. At least I do.’
That deserved a comeback, Tony thought. ‘I’ve never noticed a plushie tag attached. Have I missed it?’
Amazingly, Stark could make that sound suggestive. ‘It’s more a wait and watch type of warning. Sooner or later, the ‘warning’ part will be made pretty clear.’
‘In big green letters. Got it. Someone should have warned me about the demi-god before I let him move in,’ he went on to complain.
Bruce threw him a look. ‘You didn’t read his file? Or anything about the disaster in New Mexico? You had this whole complaint about no one doing their homework except you and then…you only read the science files, right?’
‘Well, no, that’s not true. I read Natasha’s file. And yours. We didn’t even know Thor was going to show up until he…showed up!’
‘At this juncture, you should probably assume all aliens from other planets come with a warning label.’
‘Good point,’ Tony agreed. ‘No caffeine, supply Pop Tarts. I got it. Simple enough to remember.’
Bruce walked away smiling. Tony would only later realise this was because he’d missed the part about Thor not being particularly attached to his clothes, at least when he wasn’t armoured for battle.
‘Why did I think this was a good idea again?’ Tony asked JARVIS.
‘I believe you said that it would be easier to organise as a group when you were always located in the same place. Also, I believe you mentioned something about being out from under SHIELD’s control, sir.’ JARVIS happily supplied.
‘What was I thinking?’ Tony mused.
‘We may never know, sir.’
‘Little too sarcastic there, Jar.’
‘Of course, sir.’
Bruce
Bruce does not drink coffee. Caffeine is not your friend when you are constantly concerned about your stress levels and heart rate. Bruce drinks herbal teas and – occasionally – decaffeinated English Breakfast.
It takes Tony a while to figure this out. There is a spanking new and very shiny coffee machine in Bruce’s new workshop in Stark Tower. It is there because Tony cannot conceive of a scientist that does not survive on no sleep and far too much caffeine. It’s really there, though, because Pepper is the one that actually designed the practical aspects of the workshop and since she also believes that no hard working and sleep-deprived friend of Tony’s can exist without coffee she bought the nicest one she could find at short notice.
Bruce doesn’t touch it. In fact, with all the shiny new toys in his workshop – nicer than anything he had even at ???? – he doesn’t even notice it the first week. When he does, he just ignores it. It takes Tony a few days more to figure this out, because he usually only comes down to bug Bruce for short periods at a time. If they are going to do any amount of work, it’s done in Tony’s workshops where there is ever coffee at hand and Tony is too engrossed in his work to realise that Bruce has used the $10,000 coffee machine to boil water in which to steep a plant.
‘You drink tea.’ Tony utters this as a statement.
Bruce has just finished brewing himself a cup of Cranberry infused with Raspberry – one of his favourites for the sharp fruity taste – when Tony walks into the workshop unannounced.
‘Yes,’ Bruce states back, because it’s obvious.
‘It’s 2am Bruce. Tea isn’t going to cut it if you plan to stay up all night.’
Bruce levels Tony with a look that Stark has already realised means ‘I am the adult in this relationship’. ‘I don’t plan to stay up all night Tony. I plan to go to bed soon. This is my last cup before I do and the lack of caffeine won’t keep me up.’
‘But that’s the whole point,’ the billionaire whines as he begins to peruse the project Bruce has been absorbed in for the evening (morning/afternoon/dinner).
‘I need my sleep Tony. You need your sleep too, but since that’s really up to you I’m not going to comment. But I can’t go three days with no sleep hyped up on caffeine. It doesn’t work for me. It really doesn’t work for the Other Guy.’
Tony actually seems to give that a bit of thought. ‘They make decaf coffee. I think. I assume. I’ve never tried the stuff, because what’s the point? But I’m pretty sure it exists. It might even be drinkable.’
‘I don’t like coffee Tony. I never have.’
‘Ever?’ Tony asks, like a five year old just told that Santa doesn’t exist.
‘Ever,’ Bruce repeats.
‘You must be the only scientist in the world.’
‘Well, in this country, at least,’ Bruce muses. ‘I need to get back to work.’
To anyone else this would have been a rather pointed comment that meant ‘get out’, but since Tony is famous for doing the same thing – and much less politely – he takes it as it’s meant.
‘Okay, okay, going,’ Tony says, backing out of the room. He stops half in the doorway, half outside. ‘So, tea?’
Bruce nods, because he’s not sure what other answer he’s supposed to give. ‘Tea.’
‘Okay,’ Tony states and shuts the door behind him.
Later that morning, after he’s slept for a solid six hours and had another two cups of herbal tea, Bruce returns to his workshop. Sitting in the middle of the largest table is the fanciest brewing machine he’s ever seen. Piled beside is a huge basket full of tea infusions in every flavour imaginable. Stuck to the top of the pile is a Post-It in Tony’s famous scrawl.
Just don’t expect me to drink it. –T
I possibly wrote more. About, you know, the rest of the cast.
Thor
Introducing Thor to caffeine had not been Jane’s brightest idea. The Pop Tart obsession was bad enough, but a caffeinated Thor was worse than a room full of screaming five-year olds.
Jane hadn’t become a kindergarten teacher for a reason, despite what her mother had wanted.
After the first incident, Jane had promptly decided Thor should never have caffeine again. Darcy, of course, didn’t really take that decision to heart.
And Tony Stark just didn’t know about the decision at all.
It wasn’t that Thor was particularly dangerous while hyped up on caffeine. At least no more dangerous than he ever was. He was just a little bit louder (which meant a lot), a little bit giddier (which was faintly ridiculous on an Asgardian god), and a lot more likely to do something stupid (which was about par for the course, Jane had found, even on the good days). The first time Thor got into Tony’s coffee, which was kept in a special pot that no one else touched (Steve and Bruce because they didn’t like it, Clint because he was scared of Natasha and Natasha because she had a pretty good idea what would happen to everyone’s sanity if Tony ran out of his favourite coffee) the entire Tower knew about it in under an hour. This was mostly because Thor somehow managed to convince JARVIS to tap into every single speaker in the building so that Thor could sing Asgardian songs about mead to the entire populace.
JARVIS was forbidden to ever listen to Thor’s requests again and a few speakers suffered permanent damage. Thankfully, Bruce had earplugs near at hand.
It took about five hours for the caffeine high to wear off, at which time Thor had already called Jane four times, Darcy three, sung five different songs that all sounded alike, nearly caused a Hulk incident and rendered Tony Stark tone deaf. Which considering the usual brand of ‘music’ he listened to was rather an impressive feat.
Tony finally got Jane on the phone around hour three (post the four times Thor had already called her) and begged for some help.
‘Let it wear off and then, for the sake of all of Midgard, don’t let him ever have coffee again. Herbal tea is okay. But no caffeine.’
‘How are you still alive?’ Tony asked her, still in disbelief.
Jane managed to sound smug. ‘He loves me.’
‘I have no idea what to do with that,’ Tony admitted.
‘Good. No caffeine. No mead while you’re at it and make sure there’s always Pop Tarts in the cupboard.’
Just as she was about to hang up the call Tony cut in: ‘And if there isn’t?’
The astro-physicist paused to consider that briefly. ‘Better not let that happen.’
‘Right,’ Tony agreed, to a dial tone. ‘These people should come with warning labels.’
‘We do,’ Bruce said, from five feet behind him.
‘Jesus Christ, Bruce, don’t scare me like that!’ Tony whined, hand clutching unnecessarily at the reactor.
Bruce just smiled mildly. ‘Of the two of us, it’s less a problem if I startle you. Also, we do come with warning labels. At least I do.’
That deserved a comeback, Tony thought. ‘I’ve never noticed a plushie tag attached. Have I missed it?’
Amazingly, Stark could make that sound suggestive. ‘It’s more a wait and watch type of warning. Sooner or later, the ‘warning’ part will be made pretty clear.’
‘In big green letters. Got it. Someone should have warned me about the demi-god before I let him move in,’ he went on to complain.
Bruce threw him a look. ‘You didn’t read his file? Or anything about the disaster in New Mexico? You had this whole complaint about no one doing their homework except you and then…you only read the science files, right?’
‘Well, no, that’s not true. I read Natasha’s file. And yours. We didn’t even know Thor was going to show up until he…showed up!’
‘At this juncture, you should probably assume all aliens from other planets come with a warning label.’
‘Good point,’ Tony agreed. ‘No caffeine, supply Pop Tarts. I got it. Simple enough to remember.’
Bruce walked away smiling. Tony would only later realise this was because he’d missed the part about Thor not being particularly attached to his clothes, at least when he wasn’t armoured for battle.
‘Why did I think this was a good idea again?’ Tony asked JARVIS.
‘I believe you said that it would be easier to organise as a group when you were always located in the same place. Also, I believe you mentioned something about being out from under SHIELD’s control, sir.’ JARVIS happily supplied.
‘What was I thinking?’ Tony mused.
‘We may never know, sir.’
‘Little too sarcastic there, Jar.’
‘Of course, sir.’
Bruce
Bruce does not drink coffee. Caffeine is not your friend when you are constantly concerned about your stress levels and heart rate. Bruce drinks herbal teas and – occasionally – decaffeinated English Breakfast.
It takes Tony a while to figure this out. There is a spanking new and very shiny coffee machine in Bruce’s new workshop in Stark Tower. It is there because Tony cannot conceive of a scientist that does not survive on no sleep and far too much caffeine. It’s really there, though, because Pepper is the one that actually designed the practical aspects of the workshop and since she also believes that no hard working and sleep-deprived friend of Tony’s can exist without coffee she bought the nicest one she could find at short notice.
Bruce doesn’t touch it. In fact, with all the shiny new toys in his workshop – nicer than anything he had even at ???? – he doesn’t even notice it the first week. When he does, he just ignores it. It takes Tony a few days more to figure this out, because he usually only comes down to bug Bruce for short periods at a time. If they are going to do any amount of work, it’s done in Tony’s workshops where there is ever coffee at hand and Tony is too engrossed in his work to realise that Bruce has used the $10,000 coffee machine to boil water in which to steep a plant.
‘You drink tea.’ Tony utters this as a statement.
Bruce has just finished brewing himself a cup of Cranberry infused with Raspberry – one of his favourites for the sharp fruity taste – when Tony walks into the workshop unannounced.
‘Yes,’ Bruce states back, because it’s obvious.
‘It’s 2am Bruce. Tea isn’t going to cut it if you plan to stay up all night.’
Bruce levels Tony with a look that Stark has already realised means ‘I am the adult in this relationship’. ‘I don’t plan to stay up all night Tony. I plan to go to bed soon. This is my last cup before I do and the lack of caffeine won’t keep me up.’
‘But that’s the whole point,’ the billionaire whines as he begins to peruse the project Bruce has been absorbed in for the evening (morning/afternoon/dinner).
‘I need my sleep Tony. You need your sleep too, but since that’s really up to you I’m not going to comment. But I can’t go three days with no sleep hyped up on caffeine. It doesn’t work for me. It really doesn’t work for the Other Guy.’
Tony actually seems to give that a bit of thought. ‘They make decaf coffee. I think. I assume. I’ve never tried the stuff, because what’s the point? But I’m pretty sure it exists. It might even be drinkable.’
‘I don’t like coffee Tony. I never have.’
‘Ever?’ Tony asks, like a five year old just told that Santa doesn’t exist.
‘Ever,’ Bruce repeats.
‘You must be the only scientist in the world.’
‘Well, in this country, at least,’ Bruce muses. ‘I need to get back to work.’
To anyone else this would have been a rather pointed comment that meant ‘get out’, but since Tony is famous for doing the same thing – and much less politely – he takes it as it’s meant.
‘Okay, okay, going,’ Tony says, backing out of the room. He stops half in the doorway, half outside. ‘So, tea?’
Bruce nods, because he’s not sure what other answer he’s supposed to give. ‘Tea.’
‘Okay,’ Tony states and shuts the door behind him.
Later that morning, after he’s slept for a solid six hours and had another two cups of herbal tea, Bruce returns to his workshop. Sitting in the middle of the largest table is the fanciest brewing machine he’s ever seen. Piled beside is a huge basket full of tea infusions in every flavour imaginable. Stuck to the top of the pile is a Post-It in Tony’s famous scrawl.
Just don’t expect me to drink it. –T
