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Here be the next update.

Disclaimer: Neither Stargate: Atlantis nor The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy are mine.

AN: Part the sixth of….SEVEN! Last part will be up sometime on the weekend. Also, I swear I wrote and posted this before I saw Quarantine.



It was exactly one hour, fifty-seven minutes, and thirty-two seconds later when Doctor McKay walked back through the door he had so abruptly left through one hour, fifty-seven minutes, and thirty-two seconds before.

“You’ve found the solution, then?” Doctor Weir asked.

“What? Oh, well, no, not exactly. I mean, possibly, but probably not.” The Doctor was fiddling nervously with his data pad and looking like he was hoping the floor would open and swallow him whole.

“Rodney, you said you’d have something. Anything, right now, would be good. So?”
Floors have never been all that accommodating.

“Right, well, I don’t think the Ancients ever intended for this thing to be activated. I mean, I don’t think it’s ever actually been turned on before. I’m not even sure the Ancients finished it to a point where it could be.”

“How does that help us?” The Colonel asked as he breezed back into the room one hour, fifty-nine minutes, and two seconds after he’d left.

“Well, it doesn’t.”

“I should have qualified the ‘anything’ with a ‘useful’. Rodney...”

“Alright, well I think – ” he got no further as his second-in-command entered the room at something resembling the pace of the hundred yard dash. He skidded to a halt in front of Weir’s desk, just barely avoiding toppling over one of the many prized artefacts from some world or another that their trading partners had given her.

“Yes Radek?”

“I have found answer!” He was practically jumping up and down on the spot. The good Doctor McKay looked murderous.

“Is it 42?” John Sheppard asked.

Doctor McKay took the well-deserved opportunity at this point to smack his team leader upside the head in a fitting act of revenge for many similar and painful moments suffered under the Colonel’s own appendage.

“Ow!” The brave and fearless Destroyer of Wraith Queens cowered into the corner to rub his head, a motion that looked suspiciously like he was checking to make certain all strands of hair were properly placed in the disaster he called a style.

“Yes Radek?” interrupted Weir, again.

“Yes, yes. You see, I think there must be control mechanism, like Quantum Mirror, yes? I look for it and I find this!” He brandished his own data pad in triumph.
The Doctor snatched it from his hands before anyone could as much as blink and began to hum and haw over the contents.

“Hum. Yes. Humph. Ah. No, no, no. Hummmm. Huh. Yes, that just might –”
His departure was so abrupt they thought he’d simply disappeared. Which would, of course, have been impossible, but they were all having one of those days. After all, if a planet can vanish into nothingness, then an annoying and egotistical astrophysicist disappearing should be a piece of cake.

Somewhat unfortunately this was not to be, as he raced back into the room only a moment later (obviously having gone no further than the control room).

“Yes, yes! Radek has, um, that is, found something that with my own help should solve our problem.”

“No, no, no. Does not need help, Rodney. Is fine. Give me data pad back.”

“No.” Doctor McKay looked for all the world like he was five and hording toys.

“Rodney...” The voice was exactly that of a mother dealing with a couple of bad children. Elizabeth Weir hated having to use the voice. The idea of being mother to anyone on the expedition was frightening, to say the least.

“Fine.” The Doctor returned the data pad, glaring all the while. “I’ll be in the lab. My lab.” He walked out in a huff.

His second followed with a smug grin.

“Well, since that seems to be, hopefully, taken care of. How is that back-up plan coming along, John?”

John Sheppard looked contrite. “Um, not so well. You have to understand Elizabeth. The planet’s disappeared. If we can’t...find it, then there’s nothing else to do except find another one. But we can’t actually, you know, get there. Flying city doesn’t actually fly.” He paused. “That sucks.”

“Quite. Then let us hope Radek has solved our problem.”

“Yeah.”

The relative intelligence of resting all of their hopes on Radek Zelenka and an annoyed Doctor McKay was terrifying at best and royally stupid at worst. Oh, the two of them had pulled more than their collective share of asses out of various fires in the last few years, but somehow the planet disappearing was just a bit bigger than...just about anything.
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