windemere: (English snow)
Occasionally, I really hate this PhD thing. I've spent a lot of time this last week doing the 'thinking thing', as we call it. Which means it doesn't seem like I've gotten much done, but I've gone through and discarded (or kept) a bunch of questions/theories/ideas/stray thoughts regarding my work. Which is what my supervisor told me to do.

Unfortunately, all of those things rather contradict each other or don't at all mesh into a cohesive research project, so now I'm just really annoyed and worried and, mostly, annoyed. This made so much more sense a year ago. And I know that's normal, because everyone who has donea 2nd year of their PhD tells me they had no idea what they were doing until they got to 3rd year. But it makes me no less annoyed that I can't seem to get any ducks in a row. I'm not entirely sure they are even all ducks. They are certainly not all in the same pond. Or, possibly, even the same county.

And it's - FINALLY - raining. I have never been so happy about rain!

On the upshot, Hobbit starts at Phoenix next week, so it's 6.50 for a 3D film (though not 48fps). I shall go alone and not give a care.

Also, in other news, I am desperately hoping the flat I want for July is actually available (waiting to hear back). I've decided that once I turn 30 I really need to be living on my own, as I have never actually lived on my own before, except on rare occasions my parents were away and I was housesitting for them, which doesn't count in my book. I want my own place. It's going to cost a bloody fortune, but I've come to terms with that. I'm not travelling in November like I thought I would, so that's a month's rent available right here! Still, fingers crossed and all that. I need out of this house. It's frakking cold for one and Arvind is going deaf, so I repeat everything I say three times and can hear the telly from any room in the house. Having dealt with this with my parents, I'm really over it. Too bad, since this house is - I MEASURED - the closest a person can live to the main U of L campus. Guess I'll be walking more come July. By which time I will either be incapable of walking or in the best shape of my life. 50/50 chance either way.

I would really like to spend a few days on a beach. And I have never wanted to spend a few days on a beach. You don't realise how soul crushing being cold ALL THE TIME is. The house hasn't been above 15 in 17 days.
windemere: (Captain America)
God, some people just PISS ME OFF. And are utterly useless wastes of space at the same time. How has natural selection not solved this problem yet?
windemere: (Default)
I just like the icon. My keyboard, on the other hand, hates LJ. It only works when I type slowly. I hate typing slowly.

I am having one of those weeks that every PhD student has. The 'I don't want to do this anymore' week. Of course, it means nothing, because stopping isn't actually an option. The feeling is a bit pointless, but it's there nonetheless. I wish my supervisor would be honest enough with me to tell me everything he wants me to do up front, instead of waiting until I hand an assignment in, plan my next month's schedule and then tell me he wants me to write another report. He obviously knows he's going to ask for it, so tell me NOW please, so I can plan my time accordingly. Like now, when I begin my field research tomorrow for a month, ending in a report and yesterday, when he asked me to write a report before I start my field reserch. I've had the dates at the museum for two months now!

So I am goin to do the research anyways, because I can't cancel at the museum and try to find the time between all of that to research and write another report. So, right now, I don't want to be doing this PhD anymore, because I am tired, frustrated, stressed and now sick, thanks to a landlord who doesn't make an effort to keep his germs to himself. I tried hard but apparently not hard enough to wash my hands every five minutes. I have so much to do, I really don't have time to be sick! So I'll just have to get on with things anyway and be miserable while doing so.

I want a holiday, but then I'd be even more behind.
windemere: (Default)
Mostly, I'm too tired to update about academic assignments, a boat load of obligations, and wanting to sleep all the time, so...

This is me, not updating.

Yeah, I never do so well at those sorts of things.
windemere: (must be thursday)

Apparently, "God" has decided to punish me for ten years of failing to get involved with anything, hidding in corners, and all around not volunteering for things. I deserve it, I realise, but that knowledge doesn't exactly help.

The next 12 months are going to kill me. And after that, I get to write a PhD! I am already looking forward to September 2014 like you wouldn't believe. But then I feel guilty for that feeling.

It's a no win scenario, as usual.

I am calmer, in a way that only comes when I know exactly how much of a shit-load of work I need to do. I get anxious when I know I have things to do and don't know/understand what they are. This time around, I have all these nice lists and job-descriptions that other people keep sending me. I even have a gantt chart! I love gantt charts! I will devote an entire wall in the new house to all the lists! With post-its and highlighters and coloured pens galore!

In case anyone would like to be bored by the details, I'm getting a sick amount of masochistic pleasure out of saying the following.

My Roles and Responsibilities at University are:

1) Social Media Moderator for the MS PhD department

2) On-campus co-student rep (and there's a LOOOONG list that goes under that one too)

3) University Student PhD Blogger

4) International Buddy Mentor

5) Museum Studio co-organiser

6) (probably) Project co-manager for PhD conference and maybe co-marketer/SM coordinator/website designer (2013) (another LOOOOOOONG list under this one too)

7) MS PhD Freshers Week co-organiser (to be fair, there's about half a dozen of us, but still)

8) Help out with: exhibitions within department, occasional assistant to lecturers, student marking, random IT help, seminar series x2, and any and all other duties I get volunteered for

I just want to go to bed when I look at it. But then, the next moment, I get all excited and just want to do ALL THE THINGS. Masochist.

In other, completely unrelated news, M has (slightly) redeemed herself by announcing that she and D have booked an anniversary cruise in Europe in August, at such a time as they will be arriving in London the day after I return from America, will be paying for a hotel room, and letting me show them around ANY PART OF LONDON I WANT. And then next summer, they are doing it again. Except that time, I said I'd meet them on the Continent, because they won't want to see London again, and visiting the Baltic would be great, especially after France/Spain (ie. I will hit 3 countries next year too [this might become a thing]). I told her she had to break it to her sister in such a way that said sister didn't throw a fit. And, lastly, that M has no more ability to comment on me going ot America in August. Though the irony of my parents flying to Europe at the same time I fly to Canada is lost on no one. It is the type of irony I get a satisfying pleasure from, however.

More importantly = CALGARY! PLANE! DENVER! MY life is now awesome again! [Thank the gods, there were about ten days in there I thought it had gone to hell forever.]

In still other news, Academic Research Week has now officially become Social Research Week. Gone to Liverpool. Be back online Sunday...perhaps. I may just spend the day in bed instead.


Jun. 9th, 2012 10:01 am
windemere: (must be thursday)
This is not going to be my day.

I didn't get as much sleep as I was hoping to last night (4th consecutive night in a row). I woke up aching from two days at the gym, even though I didn't think I overdid it enough to suffer. I also woke with the start of a headache, which happens when I combine lack of sleep and a painful back. So I took a hot shower to try to ease everything...and then proceeded to smash the back of my head into the shower tap (which my flatmate did 3 months ago and I laughed at her) and now have a nice painful bump, a worse headache, and I'm just generally in a...'can I just skip to Sunday?' mood. I have a shit tone of work to do today and now I just feel all around crappy.

Also, and even more stupidly, I did that thing where I showered before breakfast, and now I am feeling slightly sick and weak because my sugar levels crashed since I went to bed hungry. I should not be allowed to live on my own. I haven't done that since last summer though, so maybe I have been learning and just forgot this time around.

In other news I saw Men in Black 3 last night and it was awesome. And Snow White was better than I expected too, so I'm having a good movie week.

I really want to see Avengers again. God I'm a sad person. I'm totally going to buy it when it comes out on iTunes and I haven't bought a movie in years.

windemere: (Default)
Well, apparently I got my two weeks along the road to happiness and that was all. March 1st was pretty good and yesterday was alright, if a bit emotional.

Today, I was woken at 3:30am by the flatmate. Again at 7am (have I mentioned she doesn't sleep at night and also never goes to class - by her own admission?) and then the scaffolding crew showed up at 7:30 on a Saturday to finish the building platforms. And they are louder then they have ever been in five months. They are also legally not supposed to be here before 9am, as they signed a contract with the university to limit their working hours to 9-5pm. But since they are already here (and tomorrow is Sunday) and they will be finished by the end of today, calling in a complaint will do no good whatsoever.

Need to get a 1000 words of the paper done today, then hopefully I can finish it in the (quiet) of tomorrow. At least I have Afternoon Tea to look forward to today in Leicester's proper Tea Rooms!
windemere: (Default)
Right, so here's a thought for you this morning. Those of us who have been online for years, if not decades, who have a blog/twitter/FB/LinkedIn/etc account, tend to write in full grammatically sounds sentences when we post, correct? Do you also do so when text messaging on your phone, or is that the time you resort to 'text speak'? Do you type full sentences on messaging services? How about emails?

My problem is this. I use full sentences. Only when I text on my little Nokia phone do I resort to no capitals (because it's awkward to do) and shorten my sentences to the bare minimum. Occasionally I do it on a messanger service too. Never on email. Never on my blogs or other programs that require long entries. I ever try hard to avoid it on FB. I am not a teenager. I know how to spell. I feel no reason to resort to things like 'How R U?' when the real question is only four more characters.

So why is it that I keep running across adults, people who are at least a decade older than I, who cannot seem to type, write or post a full sentence if their lives depended on it? I feel strangely bookended between teens and older adults and worry what that means for our future. Are those of us in our 20s and 30s who type properly doomed to de-evolve when we hit 50? And are the teens today, who cannot seem to spell anything right, going to be the next generation of 20/30 year olds who still cannot type properly?

This worries me. And it's your Wednesday morning 'what is the world coming to' thought.

ION: I have cancelled my afternoon training session in the hope that I can get some honest to god work done today, instead of feeling like I'm wasting time. This would help my general state of 'I am never going to finish this paper' if so.
windemere: (Default)
I think my userpic says it all.

Seriously?. Why do I bother sometimes?

On another note, the endless series of meetings/teaching/emails/and shit is getting done. The research is sort of not.

5 sleeps!
windemere: (Default)
Yes, it's a verb.

If I keep at this pace, it won't matter one whit that it's already the 12th. I'll hit 50,000 by the 30th not doing NaNo. God, what have I done to deserve this?

On the upshot, 400,000 is looking promising for this year.

Update: Just hit 10k, which is half of where I should be if....STOP IT.
windemere: (Default)
[October 11, 2010]

Dear Self,

You're in the middle of writing your PhD proposal. Good for you. I commend you on grabbing life by the horns. I know the next few weeks are going to be really very stressful, but that's okay. You'll get through it.

But in twelve months from today you are going to have a meeting with your supervisor. It's going to be awesome, I want to make sure you understand that. But he's going to tell you that you have to research and write him a 4000 word paper in 3 weeks. You are going to spend the next hour having a panic attack, because you will have forgotten that you spend 7 years doing exactly that.

On that note, I am sending this to you for your sanity's sake. DON'T PANIC. It will be okay. You wrote 4000 word essays every month in university. It will be alright.

Your older self

::sends through time wormhole::

...nope, that didn't work.
windemere: (Default)
Has just had one of those days. The 'crack open a bottle of wine'; 'a few shots of whiskey'; 'a triple expresso'; or 'attack a punching bag' type of day.

So far, I'm through two of those. Only because there's no good whiskey in the house and I'm saving the wine for dinner.



windemere: (Default)

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